I don't know I don't know where to even start it's like like there's this weight like a crushing thing on my chest every second I close my eyes and I see it screeching the juice that sound of all of it I can't I can't inherit I can't consider faces the faces of the people in the other car very scared this is it coming did they suffer I don't know I just don't know anything anymore I kept thinking if I had just left five minutes later or I had checked my mirrors one more time or I hadn't been so damn distracted but I did I I did it I was there I was one holding the wheel and now now there is this hole the giant gaping all their life used to be I used to sleep I used to eat I used to laugh it's stupid jokes now logistics like come here but I'm not like I'm ghost how my own damn life I'm sorry I'm sorry to them to their families to my family my mom looks at me like she doesn't even realize me like I'm stranger maybe I am maybe the person I was died in that cartoon sometimes I wish I I had been meant it had been me sometimes I wish I wish it has just not walked away but I did now I have to live with it every day every second it's like I'm drowning but no one can see the water they tell me it's not my fault they say accident happened but it was my fault I was driving I was not controlling and now I'm not in control of anything not my thoughts not my memories not this guilted just eats at me like like acid I don't deserve to move on I don't deserve to feel okay how can I ever feel okay when they might never walk again or worse or didn't even know I don't know how bad this I'm just scared to ask to scare the face it I just want to go back just one more chance just to enjoy it but I can't and that's the worst part I can't fix it I can't break it right no matter how many times I say I'm sorry no matter how many nights I lie of eight begging to do over its time it's done I have to live with it I know how to do this I know how to beat this person the one who did it the one who ruined everything I hate myself I hate that I still here I hit them reading into my being paint because of me I'm not okay I don't think I will ever be okay how do you live with something like this how do you recup every day knowing or the reason someone else will fill up art I don't know how to do this I know how to do this I know how to beat this person the one who did it the one who ruined everything I hate myself I hate that I still here I hit them reading into my being paint because of me I'm not okay I don't think I will ever be okay how do you live with something like this how do you recup every day knowing or the reason someone else will fill up art I don't know how to do this