I don't I don't even know where to start. It's like like there is this weight this crushing thing on my chest every second I close my eyes and I see it the screeching that just the sound of it all I can't hear it. I cannot see their faces the faces of the people in the other car where they scared did they see it coming? Did they did? Did they suffer? I don't know. I don't know anything anymore. I keep thinking if I had just left five minutes later or if I had checked my mirrors one more time or if I hadn't been so damn distracted but I did I did it. I was there I was the one holding the wheel and now now there is this hole in the giant gaping hole where my life used to be I used to sleep. I used to eat. I used to laugh at stupid jokes now I just exist like I'm here but I'm not like I'm like I'm a ghost haunting my own damn life I'm sorry I'm so sorry to them to their families to my family. My mom looks at me like she doesn't even recognise me like a stranger. Maybe I am maybe the person I was died in that car too sometimes I wish it had been me sometimes I wish I had just just not walked away but I did and now I have to live with that every day every second it's like I'm drowning but no one can see the water they tell me it's not my fault they say accidents happen but it was my fault. I was driving. I was in control and now now I'm not in control of anything not my fault not my memories not this girl that just eats at me like like acid I don't deserve to move on. I don't deserve to feel okay. How can I ever feel okay when they when they might never walk again or worse? I don't even know. I don't know how bad it is. I'm too scared to ask too scared to face it I just want to go back just one more chance just just undo it but I can't and that's the worst part. I can't fix it. I can't make it right no matter how many times I say I am sorry no matter how many nights I lie awake begging for a do over it's done it's done and I have to live with it. I don't know how to do this. I don't know how to be this person. The one who did this the one who ruined everything I hate myself I hate that I'm still here. I hate that I'm breathing and they might not be or they might be in pain because of me. I'm not okay. I don't think I'll I'll ever be okay how do you live with something like this how do you wake up every day? Knowing you're the reason someone else this world fell apart I don't know. I don't know how to do this.